All posts by Leigh

Previously, I wrote a post listing out five steps one could take toward finding self-acceptance. They are just five that I chose out of a whole list, nothing special about them. I’ve picked four more to focus on for today’s post.

Live less out of habit, and more out of intent.

Set Your Intention

First off is to set your intention to live a life of self-acceptance. An intention is a guiding principle for your life. It isn’t the same as a goal, because there is no expectation or assessment to it. It is more recognizing a way you want to align your life. An intention is a purpose or attitude you want to commit to. So, for example, choose to set aside your self judgment and criticism, and instead commit to a life of loving and supporting yourself. Going forward, you don’t feel bad for judging yourself or having those negative thoughts. You simply stop, and remind yourself that you are not going to fall back into that habit, but be compassionate and loving instead.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is, there’s got to be a way through it.” – Michael J. Fox

Acceptance isn’t resignation.

Resignation is giving up. We aren’t talking about that. We are talking about recognizing the situation, acknowledging it, and deciding how to proceed. It is possible to see something without passing judgment on it. So, let’s say you are usually late. Accepting that you have a tendency to be late doesn’t mean you give up and are just late for now on. Instead, it means you recognize the fact without thinking it makes you a bad person. Simple fact, you are usually late. Next, you decide what to do about it. You might decide to factor extra time in for yourself, fake yourself out by setting clocks ahead some, or set reminders for everything. Whatever you decide to do, it is all done with love and no harsh, negative thoughts toward yourself.

“The one thing you can control is how you treat yourself. And that one thing can change everything.” – Leeana Tankersley

That brings us to the third point today.

Be Kind To Yourself

It isn’t wrong to be nice to yourself. In fact, you should be your biggest fan and strongest supporter. First off, it is a miserable life to lead if you are always criticizing and tearing yourself down. It isn’t good for your mental or physical health. Nothing is gained by being down on yourself. True, productive change happens from a position of self love and positivity. Accepting the way you are, and being happy with that, loving yourself no matter what, takes the pressure off. From there, you can work on making a change, if you still want to, without wasting your energy on the self hate, negativity, and guilt. Imagine trying to make that change in your life while being cheered along rather than threatened.

What if you spent this year devoted to loving yourself more?

Finally, celebrate your strengths.

If you are struggling with self love, self worth, and such, it is easy to be critical and keep a mental list of your shortcomings, ready to rattle off at any moment. It can be harder to list your strengths. You should do it though. Even if you need to list just one a day, start making a list you can look back on when you are having a bad day.

Recently, I was part of an email course that asked us to make a list of our strengths for one of the assignments. She asked us to make a list of 50. Fifty! I was baffled and really struggled to list the first 10. I actually had to look up lists of strengths to get ideas of what I could add to mine, because I really had zero ideas as far as what I might be good at in life. It took a chunk of time, and a few breaks, but I was so proud when I made it to 50! If it helps you to Google “list of possible strengths“, do it. You may be as surprised as I was at what is on those lists.

Another list that is helpful is one that shows what type of accomplishments you have had, hardships you have overcome, etc. This list shows your strengths too! It can be an easier list to make because you don’t have to name individual strengths, but you can still see where you were strong, and what you have been good at doing.

All of these suggestions are helpful options for steps to finding self-acceptance, and I hope at least one resonated with you. Remember to check out my previous post on this topic also, if you haven’t already. Working on all of these at once would be overwhelming and is not recommended. Choosing one or two, and building upon them as a base, is much more doable. You might even find that you have naturally started to do some as you grow in self-acceptance using those first few.

Guilt on its own is not bad. Guilt encourages people to have more empathy for others. It also pushes you to corrective action and to improve yourself. An essential follow up to guilt is self-forgiveness. A healthy self-esteem requires it. Unending guilt is unhealthy.

Forgiveness

To forgive yourself of something, you have to acknowledge it. That can be scary. Perhaps, in the past, your parents, teachers, or a boss let you know that mistakes were unacceptable. Perhaps you were punished harshly. Or, maybe, you are usually hard on yourself. I’m hear to tell you it’s okay.

Mistakes

Don’t be afraid to own your mistakes. Screwing up is part of being human. It’s how we learn and grow. We don’t hold it against children, and we shouldn’t hold it against ourselves. Our life is a journey. Think of your mistakes as stepping stones along the path of that journey.

Maya Angelou said, “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” I’ve loved the quote since I first saw it. You usually see the shortened version that goes, “When you know better, you do better.” I like the original better. Your actions are what you can do given your situation, knowledge, personal growth, and many other factors in that moment. Do you wish you had done things differently now? Then retain what you have learned from it, and let the rest go.

Your mistake doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t define anything about you other than making you human. We are a total package made up of our experiences, and one mistake, one experience, does not define us. It is just a tiny piece of the puzzle. A tiny piece of the complex person you are and the multifaceted life you lead. None of it is simple.

Re-examining

Different situations, lessons learned in the meantime, etc. all change how you may have acted in the same situation. Writing a redo may help. If you could do it over, what would you do differently? How would you change your actions? Doing this can show you how you have grown, or how your current situation would allow you to act differently.

The past is past. You need to turn the page on those mistakes. If you have done what you could to fix it, it is time to let yourself move on. Even as a mistake, it is part of what made you who you are. Accept it as part of your story.

In place of guilt

As you forgive yourself, replace that guilt with love and compassion for yourself. It isn’t selfish, conceited, or indulgent. It is the least you can do for yourself. As Christopher Germer said, “Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” Be your own best friend and fiercest defender. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, tear you down.

Forgiving yourself can be hard at first, but the more you practice it, the easier it is to do. It feels less foreign, more familiar and a relief. It is a wonderful relief to not carry that guilt around and to not repeatedly beat yourself up over it. Give it a try.

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I actually had another post planned for today. I’ve been trying to finish it for days, and last night I had to concede that it wasn’t going to happen. My depression has acted up, and that makes writing hard. My brain just won’t cooperate. So I was lying in bed trying to figure out how I was going to have a post for today, and I remembered what I wrote at the end of February.

The last time my depression surfaced, I got up in the middle of the night and wrote about it. It was a way for me to work through my thoughts. I’m sharing it with you today.

My Mental Health

If I remember right, this is my third time being on medication for mental health. I really think this is the best I’ve ever felt while medicated. (My mental health seems to be at the very best when I’m pregnant.) Yet, I still find myself randomly spiraling down into depression. It will come out of nowhere and surprise me. I don’t usually see it coming. Suddenly I get irritable for no reason, or I abruptly lose interest in what I’m doing. Sometimes there is no other clue, but no matter what I find myself curled up in bed unable to care about anything.

Depression

“Oh, hi there old friend. I recognize you. Why are you back? Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

All I can do is ride it out. Fighting the negative thoughts used to be too exhausting. I just let myself wallow in them. If they got too overwhelming, I would tell the worst to my husband. He is my best friend and my rock. I trust him to tell me the truth, and so I can believe him when he argues with my dark thoughts.

Negative Thoughts

I’ve practiced countering negative thoughts long enough, that I try to not wallow now. I can’t make the feelings go away, but I do my best to interrupt each dark train of thought. I don’t let my mind meander down those paths unsupervised. Instead, I take my own hand and gently lead myself back toward the bright reminders I have stored for just these times. I also try to distract myself. I’ll play games on my phone, scroll through Pinterest, watch Netflix, or rewatch some favorite YouTube videos. I now have some playlists of helpful songs on YouTube too.

Thankfully, since my most recent increase in my medicine, these spirals only last a few hours now. They used to last a few days. This one has been about 8 hours so far. It probably doesn’t help that it started around suppertime. It helps to have some length of day ahead to try to do something. I tried to sleep for awhile at bedtime, but I took an hour nap and that was apparently all my body wanted. So, for now, I find myself awake, moved into the living room, eating a poptart and writing this at 2:30 am. I’m hoping that getting it all out will clear my head, and it will let me sleep.

Hopefully I’ll be able to sleep soon.

When I first started on meds, I hoped to not need them someday. I was 22. Now, at 37, I accept I will likely be on meds the rest of my life. It honestly doesn’t bother me. My brain needs something to help it function, the same as my mom needs insulin, and I need to stay on medication to keep my inflammatory arthritis from progressing.

How do I know the medicine is working if I still find myself in this condition occasionally? I finally am able to feel happy; happier than I remember feeling for years. I actually have fun doing things. I laugh louder, longer, and more than ever. I want to make plans. I’m writing this blog. 😀

I wrote this as my own therapy to get out of my funk, but why post it? To be real, for one. Also, I want people to know that recovery from mental illness is not a straight line. There are ups and downs. The important bit is that we keep going. Progress is progress, even if it is slow. So I had a setback. It will pass. It always does.

I hope this post can make a difference for even one person. If I can make anyone feel less alone, more understood, or help in anyway, then it was worth it. Please feel free to contact me or leave a comment. I’d love to connect on Twitter or Instagram too! 

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Without self-acceptance, we are plagued with low self-esteem, guilt, anxiety, internal judgment, criticism and even possible depression. What is it about self-acceptance that makes such a difference? Let’s delve in and see.

Self-acceptance interrupts the negative

When we embrace self-acceptance, we stop judging ourselves. Our self-criticisms and negative talk stop. A daily regime of negative talk, judgment, criticism, etc. gets internalized to the point that we believe all of it and think we aren’t capable of more. Instead of seeing moments of weakness, we believe we are weak. Instead of recognizing some habits that aren’t helpful, we believe we are deeply flawed. This is a widespread problem, so no one questions it. Instead, we spend hundreds of dollars on self-help books to “fix” ourselves.

But, fixing ourselves never feels like enough. There is always another way to be fixed. We never feel we are enough. We feel broken, wrong, not worthy, there is always another “bad” part of us to overcome. What if, instead, we accept every part of us? Even the messy bits.

Self-acceptance is our natural state

We are born self-accepting. Babies know what they need and want, and don’t care what someone else thinks of it. I think most everyone loses that along the way. Why? Innate desire to survive. We are born needing to belong. We are hard wired to crave the love, affection, and acceptance of our tribe. If our tribe asks us to change who we are in order to be accepted, we will do it to survive. This may come from family, friends, teachers, or anyone of influence to us. This is a distortion of true belonging though. Belonging, what we crave, is being accepted for who we are. If we have to change, we are fitting in, and that is a poor substitute for belonging.

When we warp our true selves to fit in, to be what others want, they aren’t loving us. They are loving a pretend version of us. As mention, this can begin very early. It can begin so early that we aren’t aware we are presenting a false version of ourselves. Some part of us sees it though. Part of our psyche recognizes the sham going on. It sees the falsehood and longs for authenticity. We aren’t happy how society tells us to be. The conscious part of us interprets this as needing to be fixed and so the cycle starts.

We don’t have to conform though, because we aren’t living in a time where it is vital to our survival. We can search out our own tribe and find where we belong. Because of this, we can embrace self-acceptance, stop trying to be someone we aren’t, and not just survive, but thrive.

Self-acceptance validates us

Our true selves, our most authentic selves, are not only positive. Self-acceptance recognizes and even welcomes the acknowledgment of the messy bits too. You can acknowledge that something exists without judging it. Everyone has negative aspects. We don’t have to judge them though. Instead, we can take notice, accept it, and perhaps make plans later to adjust it. There is no need to hate that part of ourselves in the meantime.

It is so much easier to fulfill your needs and take care of yourself when you can see that you are as deserving as anyone else. Your needs are valid.

When we accept all of ourselves and stop judging, all kinds of good things happen. You stop doubting how deserving you are. It is so much easier to fulfill your needs and take care of yourself when you can see that you are as deserving as anyone else. Your needs are valid. You can take time to care for yourself. It is ok to set boundaries for how you will allow yourself to be treated. Your needs for love, affection and attention are valid and deserve to be fulfilled.

Acknowledging your true self and accepting that person, enables us to identify what we want in life. We can nail down our true purpose. When you find self-acceptance, you can hone in on what is important to us as opposed to what others have conditioned us to see as important. They may be the same things, but they shouldn’t be by default.

Self-acceptance gives us ourselves

You want to be able to move forward with goals based on what you, and not others, need and believe. Imagine creating a life in alignment with your truth. You will start feeling more confident in your decisions rather than like you don’t measure up. There will be trust that you are moving in the right direction. You may even find talents and gifts that were buried under who you were “supposed” to be. Being yourself, they can shine.

Acceptance gives you permission to practice kindness with the person you’ve historically been the least kind to: you. If you give it a real try, you’ll see how the criticisms get lighter. Self-doubt shakes off. Shame dissipates. Hating yourself becomes a rare phenomenon. Slowly, your beliefs about yourself shift from less-than to enough, from powerless to empowered.

With knowing and accepting yourself, this leads to being able to develop more authentic relationships with others. They will know you better, and you, learning how to find even the mess parts of yourself valuable, are able to find more compassion and acceptance for others.

Self-acceptance is powerful and the very foundation of our happiness. I hope I’ve laid out some convincing reasons why. Please comment with any questions or comments you make have. This is a very important conversation to have and to continue.

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The time change in spring and fall is rough on most people who have to go thorough it. I’m not sure if anyone outside the U.S. does Daylight Savings, but I know that there are only a few lucky states that don’t. (I’m so jealous!) To try to help at least a few more people to get the rest they need, I researched some DST sleep tips.

Daylight Savings Tips

I think the best tip I found was to gradually transition over a few days. Starting a few days ahead of time, go to bed 15 mins earlier each night until you have adjusted an hour. If you aren’t able to spread it over enough days beforehand, continue to go to bed early a few days after the change.

If you find yourself sleepy the day of the time change, try to slip a 20 min nap in during the day to recharge. Keep it to no longer than 20 though, or you will mess with your next night’s sleep.

Give yourself plenty of wind down time since you are going to bed earlier. Turn off the TV, laptop, etc. at least an hour or two before bed. Put your phone aside too. Try listening to some relaxing music and/or reading instead.

Even if you don’t usually avoid caffeine and alcohol close to bedtime, go ahead and do it for the next few days. You might as well not make the transition any harder than needed.

Another thing to try over the next few days is to make sure you get some sun exposure immediately after getting up in the morning. This helps with the setting of your internal clock.

All of the sleep tips in this post should help also.

Check those clocks!

Finally, something to watch out for with your clocks. Many devices automatically change the time for DST now. That’s really helpful, but it can be problematic also. You don’t want to forget to change a clock you rely on. So, walk through your house and lay eyes on each clock you have. Make sure each one has been adjusted for the time change. Don’t forget your car clock also!

Hopefully these tips will help you ease the transition this weekend. Do you have any other go-to tips you use each year? Share below! Also, feel free to come back and let me know how it went!

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In the U.S., the week before Daylight Savings Time, in March, is National Sleep Awareness Week. Proper sleep is extremely important to self care, so I thought I’d touch on proper sleep hygiene today.

What is sleep hygiene?

According to sleepfoundation.org, “Sleep hygiene is a variety of different practices and habits that are necessary to have good nighttime sleep quality and full daytime alertness.”

Why is it important?

Good quality sleep is vital to good physical and mental health. Adults and children both sleep better when good sleep hygiene practices are used.

The most important part of sleep hygiene is to spend the right amount of time asleep in bed. Too much sleep can be just as disruptive to your health as too little. The right amount varies by the individual, but here is a chart that gives some age guidelines.

Some other elements to sleep hygiene include:

Limit daytime naps to 30 mins. Obviously this doesn’t apply to children. Naps are an important part of an infant’s sleep. For adults although, naps don’t make up for a crappy night’s sleep, a short cat nap may help you be more alert and improve your mood enough to get through the day.

Avoid stimulants like caffeine and nicotine right before bedtime. Some sources recommend stopping caffeine at least 6 (and up to 12) hours before bed, if you are especially sensitive to it. Alcohol before bed can be disruptive to your sleep also. It is known for helping a person to relax and fall asleep, but too much right before bedtime is not good. It can interrupt the sleep cycle the second half of the night as the body begins to process the alcohol.

Another way food can mess with your sleep is by giving you indigestion. This can lead to painful heartburn at bedtime. Heavy, rich foods; fatty or fried meals; spicy foods, citrus foods, and carbonated beverages can all have this result. Of course, not everyone has this reaction. If you do find yourself struggling with it, keep a food diary for a couple weeks, and see if you can find the culprit.

Regular exercise should help promote better quality sleep. Even as little as 10 minutes of aerobic exercise a day, such as walking or cycling, can drastically improve nighttime sleep quality. Even so, you should avoid strenuous workouts right before bed, since that can make for a restless night. If the only time you have for exercise is right before bedtime, make it a leisurely walk or bike ride as opposed to Zumba.

If you don’t already have one, develop a bedtime routine. Routines are  a recommendation for children and adults alike. A regular routine helps your body and mind recognize what is coming next and helps it ease toward bedtime. It can be as complex or as simple as you like.

Some things you might include are: brushing teeth, a relaxing bath, reading, some mindfulness or breathing exercises, yoga stretching, journaling, listening to soothing music, or having a relaxing drink or light snack.

Check your sleep environment. Comfort is the overall plan here. A good pillow and mattress are very important. Make sure you have the right amount and weight of blankets. Some people sleep better feeling the weight of the blankets, but if it overheats you, you aren’t going to sleep well. A cool room, between 60-67 degrees, is optimal for sleep. Make your room as dark as possible, and limit blue light. Consider blackout curtains or an eye mask if you can’t darken the room enough otherwise. Ear plugs, white noise machines, humidifiers, fans, etc can all increase your comfort also.

Finally, check your natural light exposure. People who get more natural light during the day have been found to sleep better. If you can’t get out more throughout the day, or open windows to increase your exposure, try to find time first thing in the morning to get that sunlight.

Hopefully, a combination of these tips can help you to improve your sleep quality. If you don’t find yourself sleeping better after a good amount of time, be sure to talk to your doctor. They will want to help you figure out better sleep so you can be as healthy as possible.

I’ve written before about 5 Steps Toward Self Acceptance. Those aren’t the only steps, and I’m sure to write about more later. Today though, I want to expand on the second one in that post. Work on fighting negative thoughts.

The Truth About Negative Thoughts

The truth is, they aren’t the truth. Negative thoughts are our brain catastrophizing the situation. It is really good at coming up with the worst case scenario. These are irrational thoughts, and not based on the facts of the situation. If your conclusions about yourself or your situation don’t take positives into account, they aren’t accurate. There is a good reason pro and con lists are so common. You can’t just look at one side of an issue and make an accurate judgment. The same goes for people.

Why to Fight Them

Your life, your choices, your self-worth should be based on reality. Since negative thoughts are irrational, they are not what your life should be based on. We need to fight them so choices and self-worth can be made with a balanced, authentic view.

The truth is, we do have negative aspects to us. Everyone has negative traits. That isn’t all there is to us though. We each have plenty about us that is positive also.

Focusing on our negative thoughts can also lead us to feel there is no point in shooting for our dreams or trying something new. If you find yourself indecisive, always procrastinating, etc. you are probably struggling with negative thoughts.

Exercise #1

I want you to take a moment and either print off this worksheet, or find a sheet of paper and number it 1-10. Now come up with 10 positive things about yourself. It can be anything from “holds doors for people” to “I like my math skills”. Really, anything positive you can think of. Go ahead, I’ll wait for you.

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Now, put that list up somewhere you will see it every day. It may feel silly, but it is important to give yourself this reinforcement. You need to be reading that list over at least once a day, and there is no such thing as reading it too much.

Next Step – Fight Back

Now that you’ve had practice with positive thoughts, we will talk about fighting those negative thoughts. A pervasive problem with negative thoughts is that we get so used to hearing these thoughts from ourselves that we aren’t even aware of them anymore. Not as what they are anyway. We give them the same, or more, importance as our other thoughts. To fight them, we need to be more aware of them.

Some negative thoughts are more obvious than others. Thinking you are a horrible person, are bad at something, etc are obviously negative thoughts that you should work to counteract. If you feel you everyone is against you, you have bad luck, or constantly think “what if”(what if I went to college after all, what if I had/hadn’t married them, what if I had taken that job, etc), those are all nonconstructive, negative thought patterns also.

I want you to start paying attention to how often you have a negative thought. Every time you do, mentally (or even out loud), say, “Stop!” and don’t allow that train of thought to continue. Then, counter the negative with a positive version. It helped me to come up with counter thoughts to each negative ahead of time.

For example, a common negative thought I would have is that I was a terrible mom. On a good day, I could see my kids were doing well, my husband thought I was doing great, and my parents thought I was doing a good job also. So, on my bad days, the thought of me as a bad parent would come up, and I would think, “Stop!” and then remind myself of all of those positives. It helped me to see that just maybe I wasn’t seeing things very clear right now.

Exercise 2

So, for this exercise, get a new piece of paper, or print off this worksheet and write down 2 or 3 of your most common negative thoughts right now. Then, write at least 2 counter arguments to each. Ask a friend or loved one for help if you need it. Arm yourself with positive statements to remember when these destructive thoughts come to mind.

At first it may feel silly or pointless, but keep at it. Before long, you will be able to replace those negative thoughts easily and eventually they will stop coming.

When you stop telling yourself negative, destructive things, you can start building yourself up, and eventually work toward improving things you may want improved.

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An overview of self care and many of it’s aspects.

A – Alone time – This is very important. Alone time gives us quite a few benefits. You can read about some here.

B – Bath – Baths are a great way to practice self care. They are great for relaxing, relieving sore muscles, and some quiet alone time.

C – Chocolate – Chocolate, or any treat you enjoy, should always be a part of your self care routine.

D – Daily – Self care is not a special treat. It should be something you do daily. Setting up a small routine during the day, or before bed, helps it to become a habit.

E – Exercise – I’m not talking about something done as punishment here. Exercise is something that should be rewarding. Some gentle, daily movement does wonders for your mind and body. Take a walk, dance around to your favorite music, etc. Make it fun!

F – Facial – A facial can be a fun thing to pamper yourself with now and again.

G – Groove – Get your groove on with some music! Music is simply a great thing.

H – Hydration – Keep hydrated. Everything falls apart if you try to function at a constant level of dehydration.

I – Important – Self care is important. In fact, it is vital. It reduces the negative effects of stress, and helps prevent burnout. It helps to maintain good mental and physical health.

J – Journaling – Journaling has been shown to have many benefits. It doesn’t have to be in a “dear diary” way, there are many journaling methods. I plan on revisiting this topic another day.

K – Kit – Making a self care kit can be extra helpful for someone who has anxiety or otherwise has trouble taking a moment for themselves. Having soothing items already gathered takes the guess work out of it.

L – Laughter – Laughing is so healing. It has been shown to reduce pain, and it is a fantastic method of stress relief.

M – Medication – Medication is vital to some people’s self care. Not everyone can deal with mental or physical illness with only good food and exercise. If your body requires medication to function at its best, make sure you take it as directed.

N – Nest – A nest made up of your most comfy, soft pillows and blankets is a great spot for a self care session.

O – Outside Time – Spending time outside is important for more than a dose of vitamin D. It has also been shown to improve your creativity and cognitive function.

P – Pedicure – A pedicure/manicure is another way to use self care time to pamper yourself.

Q – Quiet Time – We spend so much of the day surrounded by noise. Silence can be hard to come by, but some scheduled quiet time can do much for our health and mind.

R – Relaxation – I think everyone knows the benefits of relaxation. Many times self care and relaxation are a perfect fit.

S – Social – Self care is not only a solo event. There is a social element to it. We need love, affection, and a feeling of belonging to maintain our mental health. Make sure your social needs are getting filled by planning a get together with a good friend, lunch with your mom, a date with a loved one, etc.

T – Therapy – Therapy is not only for the “crazy”. Anyone can benefit from it, so don’t tell yourself you aren’t “bad enough” or think that it says something bad about you.

U – Understanding Yourself – With regular practice, self care helps you to understand more about yourself. Making sure I have eaten regularly, am hydrated, and am rested has helped me to better pinpoint when I need any of those things, for example.

V – Voluntary – Participating in voluntary self care now will help to ward off possible illnesses and other health problems in the future, which will then force you to slow down and take care of yourself.

W – Waking – I know, I already mentioned walking up at “E”, but there is more to it than just the exercise you get. There are mental benefits also.

X – Xanadu – Xanadu, ˈza-nə-ˌdü , is described as a place of great beauty, luxury, and contentment. Finding such a place to spend some time in would be well worth the effort.

Y – Yoga – Many people use yoga as a way to exercise, relax, spend time alone, etc.

Z – Zen – Zen is defined as a Japanese sect of Mahayana Buddhism that aims at enlightenment by direct intuition through meditation. Many people use “Zen” to refer to being very calm and relaxed. I hope you are able to find a sense of being so calm and relaxed by practicing some daily self care.

You can click here for a free Self Care Worksheet to get started with your own self care.

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February 17th is Random Acts of Kindness Day in the United States. I compiled a list of ideas for you to choose from to celebrate. Some ideas are quick one shot type of things, and other ones are more of an ongoing type of thing.

1. Compliment someone.
2. Pay for the person behind you in line at the drive through.
3. Offer to help someone carry out their bags at the store.
4. Take a cart back for someone.
5. Send a nice card to somebody for no reason.
6. Pay someone else’s library fines.
7. Ask your local nursing home for the name of a resident who never had visitors, and send them flowers.
8. If you know someone with small children, chronic illness, or another reason that makes it hard to get out of the house, offer to pick something up for them the next time you go to the store.
9. If you use Amazon.com, you can donate some of their money to your favorite U.S. nonprofit through Amazon Smile  It only takes a few seconds to set it up, and then Amazon will donate to your chosen nonprofit each time you make a purchase.
10. Leave a note somewhere to surprise a loved one.
11. Offer a granola bar or other snack to your mail carrier, UPS/Fed Ex person, etc.
12. Take flowers to your local ER to thank them for what they do.
13. Send a thank you note to your local police officers, fire fighters, EMT, 911 dispatch, etc.
14. Send a thank you note to a former teacher of yours who made a difference in your life.
15. Ask a nursing home if they have any residents who could use a pen pal.
16. Drop a postcard to someone who you haven’t talked to in awhile.
17. Text someone to tell them why you appreciate them.
18. Donate blood.
19. Share a treat at work.
20. Take a treat basket to your local hospital for the nurses.
21. Make a donation to the food bank. You can find your local food bank by checking here.
22. Loan money to a third world entrepreneur through Kiva  It can change the lives of the families who receive the loan and 99% are paid back.
23. Invite someone to dinner.
24. Buy a small gift for someone just because.
25. Give a care package to the next homeless person you see.
26. Let a car merge in front of you.
27. Become an organ donor.
28. If you notice someone searching for something at the store, offer to help.
29. Leave a big tip.
30. Compliment a parent on their child’s behavior in public.
31. Praise an employee to their manager/boss.
32. Become a Big Brother/Sister.
33. Pick up any litter you see while you are out.
34. Put sticky notes with positive messages on the mirrors in restrooms.
35. Pay the toll for the person behind you.
36. Purchase extra dog or cat food, and drop it off at your local animal shelter.
37. Take two lunches to work, and give one away.
38. Encourage someone.
39. Find a local woman’s shelter, find out what they are needing, and make a donation.
40. Check out the charity, Random Acts.

Of course there are oodles of other ideas out there, and if you can think of something else you would rather do, do that! Please come back, and post a comment letting me know what you chose to do to celebrate Random Acts of Kindness Day. Or, drop by my Facebook page, give it a like, and let me know there! I’d love to hear from you!

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The first time I remember really noticing Josh was our sophomore year in high school. He’d had long hair for as long as I could remember, and he came to school one day with it cut short. I had heard some of the other kids giving him a hard time about it, and I didn’t want him to feel self-conscious, so I gathered up my courage, and told him I thought his hair looked nice.

We ended up having a few classes together that year, but I remember talking to him in accounting the most. I sat in the back row, right behind a friend of mine. Josh was one of three guys in the class interested in her, so he and the other two crowded around my desk so they could cheat off of me and flirt with her.

I had fun that year. I had never hung out with any guys before, and they were entertaining. When it came to the end of the year, I was sad that I wasn’t going to see Josh every day anymore. I hinted to him that I was going to miss him and be bored all summer, but I didn’t hear from him. My anxiety never let me even consider giving him a call. I figured he was busy with his own friends.

Junior Year

When junior year started in ’95, I was thrilled to learn we had five out of seven classes together. Amazingly, we picked right up where we had been three months before. I was thrilled that he was just as happy to see me and still wanted to be my friend.

I got my first boyfriend that year. My step-brother introduced us. He was older, and Mom didn’t approve, but my grades were good, as always, so she didn’t do much about it other than give me my first curfew. I dated him for about four months. During this time, Josh and I talked more and more, and he started showing an interest in me.

At the beginning of the year, we started getting into some deep talks, and I realized that we had a ton of differences. Well, I had already known that we were different. He hung out with guys that liked heavy metal music and rode dirt bikes. At that time I pretty well stuck to country music. He didn’t care about his grades, and I worked hard to keep my straight A’s.

Falling In Love

It turned out we had even more differences that I didn’t even know could exist. We had intense discussions, and he frustrated me to no end. I’ve always said that he can win any argument, even if he isn’t right. At the end of the day I would go home and rant about him. I’m not sure why I kept at it, but I did and somewhere in there I became fond of him. He was so intelligent, and I loved how he made me really think.

We started writing letters back and forth during the day. Many times we would even have a letter for the other first thing in the morning. We sat together in every class we had together. On the days he didn’t work, we would spend hours after school talking by my locker. We talked about everything. I started to appreciate the way he never made me feel stupid even when I disagreed with him. He had such patience in explaining things, and he really listened to me.

We annoyed the teachers to no end with all our note passing and talking in class. I spent as much time as I could with my boyfriend, but between my school and his job, I ended up seeing Josh more. Josh let me know he wanted to date me, but he was not only supportive of my making up my own mind, but adamant. He didn’t put any pressure on me to choose him. Really, both he and my boyfriend were great during this. I lucked out in that way. Josh even showed up at my winter vocal concert and other activities to show support.

We Start Dating

Around mid December, I chose to break up with my boyfriend. I started spending all available time with Josh, and we were officially dating a couple of weeks later. Starting the day after Christmas, we saw each other daily.

In school, the teachers gave up on trying to keep us from talking, and just paired us up for projects. We did great work as long as we were together. Our classmates were pretty confused by our pairing. Like I said, we were very different. I’m pretty sure no one thought we would last even until the end of the year.

Engaged

Sometime in March we were talking in my room and I realized that we were talking about our future. Subjects like how many kids, and where we were going to live. I stopped him, and pointed out that we were sort of talking about marriage type things, and he hadn’t even asked me to marry him yet. He asked what that would require, so I told him. The next thing I knew, he was on one knee and asking me to marry him. Of course I said yes. 🙂

I really don’t feel it was any less romantic that way. It still made my head swim and made me feel faint. It is for sure a part of our story I would never change.

We didn’t tell anyone about our engagement until July, when we were able to get my ring. I was 17. My mom didn’t take it well, but I pointed out that I was only engaged, not married, and she calmed down. We would have been married the following December, but my mom had promised my dad that she wouldn’t sign for me. So, we planned for the following July, when I would turn 18.

We finished out the school year pretty well attached at the hip.  I kept my grades up, and was looking forward to the next year. We ran into scheduling problems for our senior year though. I was going to need to either take three P.E. classes or a freshman class to finish out my seven periods. Josh didn’t have enough classes to take either. They wouldn’t allow us to do work release, so after months of trying to work with the school board, Josh and I both decided to do our senior year by transferring to a correspondence school.

After High School

I got a job at Wal-Mart over the summer, and kept that up while doing my classes at home. After I graduated early, I started looking for a new job. Soon after we got married, I got a job working in the mail room of the same insurance agency that my mom worked.

We also had decided we wanted to own a house rather than rent, so we were looking into a mortgage and where we wanted to live. We bought a house in Josh’s home town a couple of months before we got married and started fixing it up.

Married

Josh and me exchanging rings.

In July of 1997, after being together for a year and a half, five days after my 18th birthday, we got married. I wanted it simple, so it was at the judges chambers with a reception afterward. I still wouldn’t change any part of it. Our close family and a couple of friends were at the wedding, with everyone else invited to the reception. It was just right for us.

One year later I got pregnant with our first child. F was born in ’99 and we had E in 2001. In 2002, as E was turning a year old, we bought a different house back in my home town. My mom moved in with us in 2003, and is still with us in our finished basement. E was quite the handful, so it was 2005 before we were ready for another and had C. Another four years and we were ready for one more, and we had W in 2009. Once he was born, I was positive I didn’t want to be pregnant or go through labor ever again, so Josh got clipped. We have never regretted that decision either.

So now we have our four kids, three dogs, three cats, 16 chickens and a couple of fish. We have been through loads over the past 21 years together. Our wedding theme was “Today I marry my best friend”, and that is just as true now as it was then. I honestly love him even more now. We have really grown over the years, and we managed to do it together.

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